Well. That Was Some Big Blue Wang.
WANG.
OMG WTF with that big. blue. WANG?!?!?
Wha? Did you think I’d post it? NO. I just wanted to give y’all an idea. IT’S NOT THAT KINDA BLOG, PEOPLE. Just lots of cursing.
So, OBVIOUSLY, I saw The Watchmen this weekend. And I’ll admit, I called it the Big Blue Wang movie all weekend. But I don’t think I was fully prepared for The Wang.
3 hours of giant nekkid blue man and his colossal Wang. Plus some half nekkid dominatrix-hooker looking “superhero” chicks. Who is gonna believe that in the 40′s some chicks were running around in bustiers, fishnets, and thigh-high-platform stilettos? Tits and ass hanging out ALL OVER the damn place. For real? Even if it were acceptable, how the hell would anyone be able to fight in that get up?
And then they go and modernize her for 1984. Silk Spectre II, the original’s daughter, with some extra ho added in for good measure.
And on top of the costuming on the chicks, there are some wicked sex scenes. Was it truly necessary to get an extreme closeup of Night Owl banging Silk Spectre inside of Archie (the flying blimp thing they got around in)? EW. You could practically see his little hairs. That’s gross, y’all. Gross. I nearly barfed my Goobers.
It was total soft-core porn aimed at greasing up the geeky comic book fanboys. I’m not just talking about the film, either. It was accurate to the original graphic novel. It just cheapened everything about how cool the story is.The plot was intriguing. I actually really liked the story- but all that ridiculous, over-the-top gratuitousness kills it. The fight scenes were sub par- I saw better shit on Buffy and Angel.
It was pretty.The cinematography was great- especially in the 1940′s era scenes. The glowey blue dude was neat-o when he wasn’t waving The Wang in my face. It was a lot to cram into one film and if you didn’t know the story prior to, you will probably have a hard time following it.
Also, we had some fucking fanboy goons behind us. Like OLD fanboy goons. Easily in their 50′s. They were loud with these super dumb laughs. All through the movie they chuckling like everything was some super awesome nod to the book they masturbated to in their 20′s. It was all I could do to not get straight ghetto on them. SO annoying and much creepier than the Batgirl incident at The Dark Knight. I love comic book movies, but fuck. They sure bring out the wackjobs. Literally.
And now, the Daily Show summons me. Hello, Jon Stewart. I wanna be your bff so bad.
-LMAO
Ali
PS- MONICA. Hey, girl! I blogged for you! FOR YOU… *victory stance*
I was really hoping to see some big dude dressed up as Rorschach.
I could also feel Ali tense up every time fanboy behind us chortled.
Okay, so I can cross this one off. Ew.
I’ve heard this exact synopsis from everyone whose seen it (although, admittedly not as entertaining). I’m just so glad I’m not being dragged to see it.
)
I really hope Meg writes up their experience, too. Y’all can compare stories…
Glad you had fun at the Wang movie. LOL! <3
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! I got a blog, I got a blog!
My boyfriend really wants to see this movie. I’m torn, since I’ve heard equally good and bad things. I do like Frank Miller, though.
I also want to be bff with Jon Stewart! He has the top three things I look for in a guy: Intelligence, Humor, and Good Looks.
My Take :
ok, I personally liked it. I read the comic (yes, call me a geek) and they did everything like the comic. They stayed true to it, for the most part. At least I thought so. Put the costumes and the penis aside, it was a good story. WAY BETTER than “The Spirit”, which was just God awful. And hey, I loved Silver Spectors outfit. I did, it was pin-up cute. Hell I wish I had a body to rock that outfit out. In the comic the costume for her is a but different. They stayed true to Silver Spector II. IF you ever just look at the comic, you will be amazed how they chose the actors. All of them looked dead up like the characters in the comic….except for the egyptian dude (forget his name)…but he just looked straight up gay in the movie and I was bummed.
I’m not seeing it again, but I think in order for people to have their own opinions they will have to see it for themselves…they will get their own opinion. So, Nance…I think you should see it you may just end up liking it. Joshua and I liked it, ex, the moving penis (I will explain).
Josh and My Story:
First off, Joshua never leaves ADD Meg alone to go get drinks for us EVER again when we are in a sea of comic geeks!! Meg almost got lost in her seat of confusion and wondering where the fuck she is. Dude, it was bad! There was a row of comic guys that own their own comic store in front of us…..and it was a long wait for the movie to start, I’ll give ‘em that. But they decided to play the “Superhero Guessing Game.” (I’m not kidding.) That’s when my ADD started to play along.(I told you it was bad) They’d be guessing a superhero outloud and I would be doing the same thing in my mind. At which point, Joshua just got back from getting our drinks and I shushed him because I was playing and had to know the answer. The question was: “What Justice League Hero Am I thinking About?” I was going down the list…”batman–no that’s too obvious. Superman–no. Wonder woman–too lesbo. Green Lantern–that would be a good one, but too obvious. Flash!! It’s Flash!! I’m going with Flash.” Josh finally asks me what I’m doing and to him, I probably look like I have gone mental. I said, “I’m playing their guessing game…in my head!” He then replies, to “oh god. I shouldn’t have left you.” lol. I tell him it’s the Flash. To my amazement….it was right. I win!!
Secondly, during the movie they started to giggle their geeky giggles and talk so, Josh and I had the idea to act like children and throw popcorn at them. They look around to see who did it…they never look behind them. (retarded geeks.) I think the popcorn isn’t sending the message, so I throw my sweet tarts at them, to which point I hear an “ahhhhhh! dude, that hurt.” “what, man?” “a sweet tart? someone threw a sweet tart and hit my head. it hurts, man.” I smiled and giggled in victory with Josh shaking my hand in approval. That’s how you get them to shut up. Throw something with substance.
Thirdly, the first scene of Blue penis…was mesmorizing. He’s like a giant and I totally forgot that the blue dude is nude through the whole thing. The first thing you see is a Giants ass. I leaned over to josh;
Meg: “blue dude has a giant blue ass!!!”
Joshua: “he’s turning around, MEG, wait for it…wait for it…THERE IT IS!!”
Yeah, when he turned around I think my mouth was open (no pun intended) and in shock. I wasn’t expecting it, and then I remembered he was nude through the whole thing. Josh looks over at me and starts laughing while saying “meg, it’s a blue penis…look meg, MEG…LOOK!!” lol….he got bitch slapped during this movie mind you. BUt…that was our FIRST experience.
At the end when John goes to save his peeps, he turns…..when he turns the penis actually sways/moves with him. In that last moment of the film Josh proceeded to grip my hand so tight that my hand got numb lol.
josh: “that was unnecessary.”
meg: “oh dude, it swayed!!”
josh: “that’s not right.”
meg: “Did you see it? Did you see it?
josh: “shut up, meg. …..that wasn’t right.”
meg: “swaying penis!!!”
Josh: (grumble, grumble, grumble)
meg: (gives a pat on joshua’s leg.)
That was our experience through the whole god damn movie. BUT overall we liked it. Just not the blue penis and the over-top sex scenes. Seriously? I know I how a guy thrusts, I know what making love looks like….do I really need to see it on screen like that? I excused the director for it, since he did 300..and every love scene in 300 was like that. BUT, NOOO!!! That made me feel dirty. And I had an old man beside me that smelled like skunk, smiling through that scene. It was uncomfortable.
The End.
LOL.
A friend of mine objected to the penis too. But, it didn’t bother me. Even if it was blue. I mean, women have been bitching for years about men not getting nekkid in films. I think it was about time. There’s been a lot of penii flopping about in films lately. I prefer it to cooter and tits. Although, tits were in this one, too.
I do agree about the sex scenes. As much as I don’t want to agree. Me and my buddy were all, ok, where’s the fighting gone? Do we really want to see them fucking? Although, I also found them fucking after kicking people’s asses slightly amusing too (so yeah, sometimes violence makes me horny. Whateva).
But,,,the blue penis? Hmmm, I barely noticed it. Yes, he was blue, and sometimes, he was large. But penii are boring unless they belong to someone you like and that someone is fucking you.
So, how you, Ali?
Z
Meg, that was one of the funniest things I’ve read all day. The skunk-man just topped it.
Hey, Z. What’s up!
Almost got hurt in a car accident but somehow managed to escape unscathed. Crazy.
Other than that, I’m on Spring Break for the next two weeks! YEAHYA!
z
Oh, Ali…you don’t even know girl. When skunk man sat down to me josh just started laughing. Out loud mind you. As I said, he got bitched slapped a lot during this movie. lol, more than once. The man was nice, he was just all….long gray beard, old hippe-ish, with a motorcycle hells angels twist that smelled like skunk. Weird combination, but he was nice. It was just very uncomfortable. Josh’s laughing didn’t help much, either lol.
Zeta– totally agree. After the first scene of the penis I didn’t notice it. UNTIL I saw it swayed, then I had disrespect for the blue penis LOL. But I agree, they didn’t focus on it at all.
Now–in Forgetting Sarah Marshall…there’s A LOT of cock.
Man!
Who knew?
z