The Divine Secrets of a Southern Diva

I was tagged by the lovely and super funny @katydidsays to do the Twitter 7 things post. Heck yeah! I love talkin’ about me.

1. My family loves to talk about poo and farts. Every dinner that the whole family is together- sister, brother their spouses and my parents, we talk about poo or farts or both. It’s inevitable. We try to behave when new people are around but even then we usually fail. We just love poo.

2. I don’t want to be a mom. I can barely take care of myself let alone another human being. However, holding my niece almost makes me rethink that. When she looks at me and smiles she melts my heart a million times. Nanny Ali will end up being the sucker of all suckers. That kid will get whatever she wants out of me.

3. My brain goes a million miles a minute. I don’t sleep well because I’m constantly thinking of stuff. Stuff I need to do. Stuff that has me worried. Stuff I’m excited about. I sleep maybe a good 3 hours a night. I toss and turn the rest of the time. I wake up several times a night and just think. I wish I could turn it off. By the end of the week I’m exhausted and I crash and burn. I hate it.

4. I have my dream house built in my head already. I’m fairly sure I’ll never be able to have it. I want to live in this neighborhood in a cottage-style house. Small, cozy and perfect. Sadly that costs anywhere from $350,000- a half mil. Um. Yeah.

See, we live in an old neighborhood about a mile outside of downtown Houston. Literally our view is the skyline. There are shops and restaurants and everything awesome within 10 minutes of our house. My office is about a 3 minute drive. And the neighborhood is adorable. Old brick cottages mixed with huge old brick duplexes and new townhomes here and there. It’s just so AWESOME and I never, ever want to leave.

But, if I dream it, it will come, right? I’m going to start a wish book with all the things I want in it, Brit-Brit style. I think she had a wish wall, though. Whatever- she says you need to picture it, put it out there and it will come true. She’s the come-back kid, so I believe, Brit Brit!

5. I want to be famous for my writing. It’s hard to do that when you don’t write much, though. I’m just too tired and too stressed to really let the creative juices flow. And that sucks because I bet I could buy my cute little house with one book. *sigh*

6. Whenever I look at a person or go to a person’s house, I always think about what I would do to their hair or makeup or clothes. I redecorate their house in my head. It’s not that I’m judging or that I think what they’ve done is necessarily wrong, I just can’t stop myself from putting the Ali stamp on it. It’s a curse I got from my mother. Y’all need to realize that the first three channels I flip to out of our 400+ are HGTV, TLC and Style. I love watching makeovers and seeing pretty things and getting ideas. It’s ridic, honestly. I can’t believe Mike hasn’t grown a vagina yet from all of the chick shit that goes on in this house.

7. I have a favorite way to relax. It’s not drinking wine. Or reading. Or writing. Or watching TV. It’s having Mike tickle my feet. I love him to lightly run his fingers all over the bottom, tops, sides. Most people would freak the fuck out by that. Mike can’t even let me get near his feet without giggling like a little girl. Having my feet tickled can put me to sleep and just instantly relax me like nothing else. I like having my hands done, too, but it’s not as good as my feet.

I have other weird things that I like that I refer to as my “secret shames”. Only Mike knows about them. That’s how much I love and trust him.

OK. That’s my 7 things. DON’T JUDGE ME.

Now, who to tag…

I have no idea.

@hella, @diannerbannaner, @gollygeegidget, @nance_pants, @nikkibee, @estera, @rob_k_84