Reasons Why I Know I’m Old.
1. On Facebook, I’ve been befriended by girls who I babysat. They are in thier mid-twenties with serious boyfriends and real jobs and all that crap.
2. Molly Ringwald is on a tv show where she plays a 40-something mom with a pregnant teen daughter. Remember when she was the teen queen who wanted Jake Ryan and was in desperate need of a hot beef injection? Me too.
3. Some of my high school friends have kids who are TEENAGERS. OMG I WAS ONE OF THOSE LAST TIME I KNEW YOU.
4. People (who are younger) talk about music at work and I have no idea what they are talking about. I used to be ALL up in that shit! What is a T.I.? When did I become a part of the Hot AC crowd? *gasp*
5. Teenagers tend to piss me off. Some people who know me (ahem Mike/Kristin/Sarah/Neal/Kevin/Kristy/Katie…) would argue that it’s not just teenagers, but whatever! I have absolutely no tolerance for their inane “I’m so cool” bullshit even though I KNOW I did that shit when I was their age.
6. I hate crowds. As much as I love concerts, I better have my own seat and personal space otherwise I will get IRATE.
7. Getting down on the floor is a major pain in the ass but that could just be because I’m fat.
8. I have zero patience for stupid. I never really had much before, but now it’s like, below sea-level. Things like fucking up a pizza delivery that is literally about 6 blocks from your establishment blows my mind. You’re bringing food to a huge office, for fuck’s sake!
9. I can’t stand my hair to be longer than chin length. I’m TOO OLD for long hair. WTF?!?!
10. My little brother got married. Hi. I used to change his diapers. He’s married. And a boss of some sort. I remember when I was the boss of him. I should try to kick it old school and make him lick the carpet or some shit. I’m 5′ nuttin and he’s 6’4″. Do you think that it would be an issue?
11. I drove past a club last Sunday and actually heard myself saying that they needed to turn the music down and how ridiculous it was. Granted, it was LOUD but still. OLD. This girl. Right here.
12. The Olson twins have been legal for a long time now. Remember when they were teens and perverts used to say shit about how they couldn’t wait for them to turn 18? Well, fuck that. I can remember, vividly, the first time one of them cooed out “You got it, dude!”. Fuck, I remember their first steps. OLD on top of OLD smothered in OLD gravy.
I’m sure I’ll come up with more over time and just throw them in blogs here and there for all of you snicker at.
Snicker? Did I just type that without referring to a candy bar? See???? OLD.
Pics of new hair coming this weekend. Stay tuned.
Shakin’ my fist at “those darn kids!”-
Ali
I’ve felt this way about most things since I *was* in high school.
Also, MTV is older than I am.
Well I know you are old as dirt because you were 6 when I was born!! Hahaha you used to change my diapers and babysit me…oh yeah and leave me on a haystack in the middle of bum fuck nowhere!!
And Mike, I too am younger than MTV!
Oh yes and I your sister that you used to babysit is married, and has been for nearly 4 years,and has a child!! Who in my professional opinion is the cutest ever!!
Teenagers have always pissed you off!! I remember you coming to visit me at college and you were ready to kill everyone!! Even though you yourself had not been out of college for that long!! Imagine if you were to go there now!! Oh Lord I could not take you anywhere!!
Girl… this is ALMOST hysterical, except I find myself nodding along with this list more than thinking ‘God, she’s old…’.
I won’t go into the list of the ‘Why *I’M* old’, but let us just say… “I relate 150%”.
Love you! Thanks for the smile. (or the reality. I’m not sure which is more true right now…)
Sorry, Sarah. You are older than MTV.
Recently, When Harry Met Sally was on the classic movie channel. Sure makes ME feel old.
When I started random Princess Bride quotes with my son (INCONCEIVABLE!) he looked at me like I was insane and said (quite seriously), “Mom, you aren’t drunk, are you?” Nope. Apparently, just old. Sigh.
While speaking to students at school, I mentioned Barbara Bush. The kids had no idea who I was talking about. I explained that she was married to George Bush, and was the first lady. The kids said, “George Bush married an OLD LADY?” Um, no. His Dad was president before he was. They had no memory of the first George Bush in office. I can remember Regan’s inauguration. Granted, I was young, but I can remember it. Do you know what that makes me? Old.
I remember quoting “Where’s the Beef?” and also seeing the commercials.
I am now that lady that can sing the words that go with the Muzak in the stores. Not only that, but I’ll have the song stuck in my head for hours. When did my favorites from the 80s and early 90s turn into easy listening muzak? WTH?
This is a topic that, unfortunately, I can relate to like you cannot imagine.
this is hilarious!
I know I shouldn’t laugh at this cause I’m younger 
but on some things I’m already with you… :S like 6, 8, 12…
You’re right. You are old.
But your hair looks fantastic! I forgot to say that on the last post!
I have to tell you that this really made me laugh! I was just talking to a friend of mine the other day and she was getting her nails done and a group of 15 year olds come in to get their nails done. Well Rhythm Nation came on and one of the 15 year olds says, “Wow this is like an oldie or something!” and the other responds “I wasn’t even born when this came out!” Elisha told me, “Girl I wanted to slap them out of the chairs!” She said I went OH MY GOD, and I really this old?!?!? WTF?!?!?