She sold me on that solo. GOD, the pirouettes into a paused attitude.  Hello?! THAT alone should make her the winner. And that PASO.  Katie Swick, THAT is what I’m talking about when I say Paso is my favorite Latin Dance. That was easily the best I’d ever seen.

I think Brandon was great. I think Kayla was great. I think Evan was decent. His dance with Brandon really showed his weakness, I thought. GOD HELP ME IF HE WINS. I’d be ok with anyone else beating Jeanine but not him. She just draws my attention no matter who is on stage with her. She’s got really strong features and just this presence. Plus, I dig her eyebrows. I know, that’s a weird thing to focus on, but they are black and thick and perfect. Just like her hair.

I’m not sure how I feel about them in the Kodak theater. On one hand, I love that the show has gained so much popularity that the finale can be in there but on the other it seemed to be distracting. I didn’t like the red everywhere. I think it took away from the dancers. The think I love so much about the SYTYCD set is that it’s a light silvery gray that lets the dancers and the costumes pop. That kinda got lost there.

But WHATEVS. Jeanine should win. Final. Done. THE END. I have spoken.

In other news, I partied like I was 22 on Saturday and I’m so NOT 22. You can peruse the pics below. It was loads of fun. I’ve been hearing around the office that some people are sad they weren’t invited but I DIDN’T DO THE INVITING, MAN! So Kristy and I will take it upon ourselves to plan a monthly outing with everyone who could ever possibly want to go and get their Karaoke on.

I also wrote a blog for work over social media. Go check it out.

And Mikey’s birthday is this weekend. My family is coming over for dinner Saturday and Sunday we are going to dinner at Josephines. It’s this delicious traditional Italian restaurant, just like in the movies. The name is over the front door in cursive, the table clothes are red and white check and Italian music serenades you as you eat. And omg THE CANOLES. Faboo. We’ll have to get some photos when we are there because they don’t even have a website (the horror!).

Enjoy the pics!

-Ali

Fail.

So, Neal’s all “We can take the bus!”. Hi. I’m from Kingwood. We don’t have buses there unless you ride one of them fancy commuter ones or a school bus. I have never in the 23 years I’ve lived in Houston ridden the bus.  So, Neal figures out the schedule and whatnot and off we go.

We wait. It was late. We start questioning ourselves. “Are we at the right stop? Should we go to one down the street? Are big losers?” Finally it came. And you know what? Not bad. Air conditioned. Took us almost right to the restaurant. We didn’t die.

We celebrated with fried pickles.

Biggest drawback? Waiting in the heat. Other than that, I’d do it again.  I feel like such an urbanite! Even in a car-riddled city like Houston.

Other things:

Dancing with the Stars: I was totally sad to see Lil’ Kim go. She wanted to win so bad. And she came off so sweet! So not the ghetto, pastie-wearing ex-con I imagined! I think Ty Murry is adorable, but homey can’t dance. Come on, y’all.

Idol: WTF Paula? I equate that crazy shit with Brit-Brit’s VMA drug-haze performance from a couple of years ago. I LOVED PAULA back in the day. She had serious moves. I still think that quadruple switch-foot pirouette she did in the Cold Hearted video was one of the greatest dance moves, ever.  See?

Her performance was so SAD! She had no precision, no pop. It was like she was sleep-walking through that. Sleep walking while lip-syncing.

And Gwen Stefani? I LOVE HER. Why did she do that? She’s grown-ass woman with two kids, y’all.  It just looked like she was trying to re-live 1996. 13 years, man. That’s a whole sassy-mouthed teenager. You just can’t pull off “I’m Just A Girl” with a ridiculous faux-punk look at 39 with 2 kids and a designer clothing line complete with signature fragrance.

As for the actual contestants, I’m glad Gokey stayed even though he butchered both songs. I wish it would have been Chris going home, though. I liked Allison.

Also, I promised an Easter blog but it’s been so long I just can’t commit an entire one for it. So, we played games. We drank. We ate crawfish and alligator. MIKE ate alligator and didn’t hate it. (Crawfish is next!!! I will make him a Cajun before it’s over. Much to his chagrin.) The kids got tons of Easter goodies and went on an Easter egg hunt (in plain sight).

Here’s a few pics. Click for the full size! (Mike was the photographer so he’s not in any. Sadface.)

Also, I set up a Tumblr account if any of you darling readers have one, please add me: http://diva-ali.tumblr.com/

For those who don’t know what that is, lemme explain. It’s sort of in-between Twitter and a blog. You get a feed like Twitter and you have followers but you can post as much as you want in a post along with pics and videos- but only one per post. You don’t have comments or anything, though. You can have a small answer box, but it only has like 140 characters. You can “heart” each post if you like it and it’s called notes. And really that’s it. It’s just another time-suck and way to whore myself.  I like it so far.

Alright, I’m out. I promise to blog more. PROMISE.

Hugs,
-Ali

That girl is the devil. Just the absolute fucking epitome of evil.

It all started when she asked for my input on her new office. I picked out some colors and gave her some suggestions and she was all “OMG YOU HAVE TO COME HERE. I’M BUYING YOUR TICKET NOW, BIATCH.”

And I’m all, “Sure that sounds fun.” I was at work and slammed. I couldn’t freak out too much.

Inside I’m quietly screaming “OMG I GET TO GO TO LA. AND SEE NANCY. AND EAT. AND DECORATE. AND DRINK. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!”

Like, my three most favorite things in the world to do and I get to see Nancy to boot.

Uh. Fuck yeah!

So, off I went for a 38 hour whirl-wind weekend with Nancy in beautiful LA.

It was go-go-go from the time I landed. Momma picked me up and off we went to Amalfi’s for a late dinner. Hello, foodgasm #1. I ordered a mushroom risotto that was so fucking fabulous I could have died right there totally happy.

Meg and her friend Natalie came to meet us. Hi. Megs is gorgeous. Nat’s a cutie, too, but Meg? Scroll down a bit and you’ll see. We were too busy to take any pics that night but we got some on Saturday.

Next, we head to The Comedy Store. We drink. We heckle and join in the show. We keep it open past closing. It was FABOO. I finally went to sleep around 5 am which is 7 am Houston time. I was officially up for over 24 hours. Total college flashbacks.

So, around 11:oo we finally drag our fabulous asses out of bed. And we are hungry. There is a place in LA called The Griddle that I’ve heard all about. Incredible food and possible celeb watching. Sadly, no celebs. But OMG THE FOOD. Totally worth the wait, y’all. Aren’t we cute waiting?

We had a fatgirl feast. I got some sort of mexican scramble and she got a scramble with shrimp and pesto or something. Delish. But that’s not the best part. We got “dessert” to share.

Butterscotch chip caramel walnut pancakes. SON! Foodgasm #2.

We couldn’t even eat a third of them. OH and they had the best coffee served in a french press. Really, stupidly, crazy outstanding.

After that it was decorating time! Her office is great, especially for a new company. The paint colors I picked out were PHEEEENOMINAL. We re-arranged her furniture and picked out some accessories. We didn’t take pics because we didn’t go back after shopping, but when she’s done I’ll make her take some and I’ll post them.

Then it was off to her new place. Adorable. Granite countertops, hard wood and tile with a view of the hills, a pool and an elevator. We picked out some great colors for the walls and figured out where to place her furniture. And we really wanted to go lay by her pool, but there was some shopping and In and Out burgers and drinking to be had.

We then got all cute and went to pick up Megs. We went to Boa so I could meet Nancy’s roomie Caleb (or soon-to-be-ex roomie since she’s now got her own place) and basically got tanked and people watched. Honestly, what the fuck do people think when they leave the house? I actually got a picture of one chick. The outfit was so tight that the fabric was pulling so much you could see through it- including the crack of her ass. And the shoes where awful. She couldn’t even walk in the stupid things. The picture doesn’t really do it justice.

And here’s us: Me and two gorgeous ladies!

Now, let me please tell you. These two chicas have been telling me the entire time about bacon wrapped hotdogs. We went searching for them the night before but had stayed at the comedy club too long. Apparently, just between the hours of 1 and 2 am, these little vendors set up with a hotplate skillet thingy and all the fixins for some seriously DELICIOUS snacks. They take hotdogs, wrap them in bacon and grill them. You can add onions and peppers, mayo, mustard and ketchup. I had mine sans ketchup and let me tell you what, my friends. It was RIDICULOUS. So good. Especially to a bacon and hotdog lovin’ girl like me. Honestly one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. And they didn’t skimp on those dogs. They were the big fat meaty ones.

We drove around a bit more, through the hills seeing the sites. Ended up having to stop in the COLDEST grocery store ever to pee and get Tums. Got waited on by an old man who I swear has to be in the witness protection program. He was all “Ay, you got some heartburn? That’s the woist. This stuff right here will fix you right up.” I forget what all he was saying but I’m fairly sure the Sopranos was based on his life.

We made it in about 4 and passed out.

I had to catch my plane home around 1230, so we were rushing like fools. I left a bra and my bath stuff there. Which is awesome considering I was going out of town the following weekend and had nothing to take with me. We were starving so we ate leftover butterscotch chip caramel walnut pancakes in the car. Cold. But still rockin’ awesome. I’m sure we were cute shoving it in our faces at red lights.

And that was that. I got on a plane and came home, exhausted but so happy that I went.

Nancy, thank you for your hospitality and generosity. You sure know how to woo a chick. I HEART YOU SO HARD! MWAH!

And this concludes how I ate my way through Los Angeles.

Next blog will be all about Easter, camping, Madeline and Mike eating fried alligator.

I HEART LA.
-Ali

]]> http://www.southerndivasecrets.com/blog/nancy-is-such-a-hater/feed/ 5 http://www.southerndivasecrets.com/blog/are-mah-eyes-deceivin-me/ http://www.southerndivasecrets.com/blog/are-mah-eyes-deceivin-me/#comments Fri, 27 Mar 2009 05:12:16 +0000 Ali http://the-spout.com/tiaraclink/blog/?p=376 My co-worker Kevin’s job is to find awesome stuff on the internet. And when he finds truly superbly awesome stuff, he passes it out.   I’m fairly certain he hit the jackpot with this one (even if he actually saw it on TV first).

This is an infomercial. Someone took all the good parts and chopped it down to a little over 5 minutes of fantabulousness. It has it all! Door breaking down! Hollerin’! Neat-o food appliances! Hip terminology like “jibba jabba”! And some BLING!

But most of all, it has THE man.

Yes, I’m talking about that hip cat from Rocky 3 and the A Team: The Great Mr. T.

I present to you, Flavorwave:

Also, Mike was in Seattle last night for business. Today at the airport he saw this:

In case you can’t make it out, this bitch and her man both have a perfectly ironed crease in their pants. AND she’s wearing stirups. STIRUPS.  I wore those in high school and even then it was pushing the fashion limits for 1992. I just want to know what goes through people’s heads when they get dressed in the morning. And those fuckers where flying to Houston. Y’all know they live in Cleveland or Willis or some shit. They’s goin’ to the big city so they had to put on their good clothes.

Man, I’m such a bitch.

Sunday night Me, Mike and Kristen are going to see Chris Cornell at Warehouse Live. That’s a very intimate venue. I think capacity is like 1500. Y’all jealous? You should be. I get to go re-live high school and college when he kicks it old-school Soundgarden style.  If he pulls out some Temple of the Dog (even without Eddie OMG Vedder) I might have to pee a little.

But I’ll tell y’all one thing. I won’t be wearing no fuckin’ stirups. That’s for DAMN sure.

Since my Buffy marathon, I’ve had a hankerin’ for some good old grungy 90′s alternative rock so I wiped my iPod and filled it the sounds of Nirvana, Candlebox, Counting Crows, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Foo Fighters, Stone Temple Pilots,  Sarah McLachlin and Goo Goo Dolls.  Seriously, the best era of music in my book.

Diggin’ out the docs and flannels…
-Ali

OH PS! Mikey got to ride first class the other day. He was all sorts of pumped. Check out his blog. Y’all should be reading it regularly anyway, bitches.

Last night, someone threw a hamster in a water balloon at me.  I don’t know what to do with that.

Did they kill a hamster, fill a water balloon then stuff him in it?

Oh, god.

Did they put him in alive!?! What kind of person does this?

And flare. Why are you giving me flare? Am I lost? Do I need to stop traffic for some reason? Do I have a flare gun in my locker that needs going off so I can spend Saturday in detention with Molly Ringwald?

Why are people mowing my little green patch? That sounds so dirty and I really don’t think Mike would appreciate that.

And cupcakes. Y’all ain’t giving me cupcakes. I’m a fat girl. I know what a cupcake is. There is no cupcake in my belly so quit teasing me, haters.

This is seriously out of control, people.

I think Facebook is neat. I’ve reconnected with people I hadn’t seen in years. I get to pimp my blog. I upload adorable pictures of me and Mike. It’s a hoot.

But all these random applications? People. Close the browser, walk away from the computer and make me some fuckin’ cupcakes for real.

Heart,
Ali

Not a fucking thing. I am happier than a pig in shit about that.

I feel like we’ve been going non stop since October. Mike’s parents were here, Dianne was here (amazing that my liver survived that) then Christmas and we celebrated 4 times, spent a week in Jersey, came back for New Years then had Madeline’s first birthday.

Oh, and at work, we re-launched our website. Check it out. Plus I trained on an new system for trafficking ads.

So, my plan for this weekend? Mike and I are going on a date Friday night. We are going to check out a new place called Little Bigs. They serve gourmet sliders and wine. HOLLER. AND we can enjoy the pretty weather and the views on a lovely patio.

The rest of the weekend I plan on sleeping in, enjoying my coffee, ordering take out and wearing pajamas. I might venture out to the grocery store but that is still up for debate. I’m also going to have a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon. It’s been years since I’ve seen them and my friend Kristy was so gracious as to let me borrow her dvds. I’m so ready for some ass-kicking vampire staking.

Y’all didn’t know I loved Buffy? Pfft. I do. And Angel. And Roswell. And Smallville. See? There is some shit you people don’t know!

Also, do you y’all remember Laura Winslow? You know, the daughter from Family Matters? Hated Steve Urkle and dated Stefan Irkel?

Homechick is filling in for my bff Niecy Nash on Clean House. She looks good and she’s sassy.

But she ain’t my girl Niecy.

And now, to end this blog with some faboo cute. I mean, tell me this isn’t the cutest 1 year old princess you’ve ever seen in your entire life?

Counting the minutes to Friday night…

-Ali

Edit:

OMG what the fuck is wrong with me? I almost forgot! We have a new president and I’m doing the snoopy dance in celebration. I thought his speech was incredible (which didn’t shock me) and I just can’t wait to see how he changes the country. Fingers crossed!

Also, one of my favorite blogs – The Houstonist- posted some information about inauguration celebrations around town. They love to use people’s flickr photos to enhance their posts and this time they used one of Mikes! It was part of his collection of Obama murals around town. Check it here.

He’s so talented, y’all. It’s ridiculous. The stuff he made for Madeline’s party was so awesome.

My man rules.

Ok, I’m really going to bed now.

No, really.

I’M GOING.

G’night.

I’ll post an update with pics and all that razzmatazz later. Now, it’s on to pink dip.

See, a lot of you fine folks who read this blog have asked me “What is pink dip?” And I could totally give you the recipe. But Mike thought it would be more fun for me to reach into my way-back machine and evoke my TV-hosting experience and make a little YouTube vlog about it.

And there was the birth of Dishin’ With The Diva. It’s how we spent Saturday night instead of spending money we don’t have.

Its our first rodeo with this and we’ll probably change some things as we make more, but it was fun! And you guys can learn all about some of my favorite fat-kid things to eat!

On the list to make: crawfish cornbread, crawfish etouffee, gumbo, red beans and sausage, shrimp pizza dip, enchilada casserole, this incredible baked brie appetizer my aunt makes and lots more.

I’ll be talking about wine, too. The new ones I try and what I think would go best with some of these dishes. (Like I actually know what I’m talkin’ about or something.) Books may tell you something different than what I’m sayin’- but I’m just sharing what I like.

So, enjoy! Easy peasy PINK DIP!

Happy and exhausted-
-Ali

This is just a preview of what’s to come. We had a blast and I’m very sad to put Dianne on a plane tomorrow.

More to come…

*burp*
-Ali

Later, Sarah and Kristen came over and we headed out to 1/2 price wine night at The Daily Review Cafe.  Every bottle under $50 is half price. I can dig that. And the food is YUM.

We were kind enough to make a video for you. Editing courtesy of Mike, of course.

We also took some pics at the restaurant and when we got home starring us, Mike, some hats and sunglasses (like the superstars we are).

Today, more chillin’.  Look for Adventures From The Grocery Store coming soon…

Eatin’ pink dip in my pj’s with Dianner-
Ali

PS. FUCK DANCING WITH THE STARS.