The Divine Secrets of a Southern Diva

Dear Houston,
I’d like to have summers like they have in New Jersey. 70′s, low humidity and breezy. Can you do that for me? kthnxbye.

We spent the weekend in the New Jersey/New York area. We visited Mike’s family and friends, saw a Yankees game, went to a chi-chi wedding and had some drama along the way.

Honestly, what would our lives be without drama? I have no fucking idea because if we didn’t have it, I don’t think we’d be breathing.

We had simple plans to go to a Yankees game. It was pretty much sold out so we turned to Ebay to get tickets. Got some- paid a pretty penny for them. They got to Mike’s parent’s house in like a day or something. Everything seemed totally awesome.

That is, until we got to the game and found out the tickets were FAKE. What in the god damn fuck? I (for once) kept my cool. I know, y’all probably think I’m full of shit, but it’s TRUE. After we went to customer service and verified that they were fake (complete with big-ass blue “counterfeit” stamped all over them), we calmly went to the boxoffice and found out they’d released more tickets.

This, literally, saved our weekend because Mike was so dissappointed. And I can’t stand that. I’d have sold my soul to the crackwhores on the corner for tickets if it meant he could go.

We got in and our seats were even better than what we’d thought we’d bought. Bonus. The game was great. I even got to see a fight behind us and some dude run out on the field and try to slide into 2nd base only to be met by a security ass whoopin’.  We had a great time and Mike was happier than a pig in shit.

Us at the stadium.

Saturday we spent the day getting ready for Mike’s college roommates’ wedding. It was quite the chi-chi affair, taking place at the Ritz Carlton in Manhattan at Battery Park. I would love to say the ceremony was incredible, but we missed it. It only took us 3 EFFING HOURS to get there. Hello? This should have been an hour drive, max.  But NO. It took us almost 2 hours to go less than 5 miles through the Holland tunnel.  Fuck all that noise.  We did, however, get there in time for cocktails.

I was drunk long before dinner was served.

I had such a blast, though. I ate. I drank. I danced my booty off. I apparently called Dianne and my sister and had conversations they couldn’t really understand.

We looked, great, even though I was completely unthrilled with my hair. I’m convinced that my hair completely hates New Jersey water. It’s like kryptonite. My hair just goes limp.  What you see in these pictures is the result of more hairspray than I’ve probably used in the last 10 years and lots of aggrivation.

I have to post this picture because my makeup looks fabulous. I must toot my own horn there. My momma taught me right when it came to that. It makes me feel better about my chubby ass in that pretty dress.

The rest of the weekend was spent visiting family and friends. It was a nice getaway. After this, no more trips for us anywhere until Christmas. We need to slow our roll and stop spending money. We act like we got some. It’s cute until we look at our bank account.

This weekend I think we might be going to an 80′s themed Cancer fundraiser. If anyone in the Houston area wants to go with us, holler. It sounds like a hoot. Thanks to the Houstonist for the link!!

Doing the Molly Ringwald
-Ali